We learned the results of Pierce's brain scan today and it appears that the bleed has worsened. It is now a 3 on one side and a 4 on the other. The nurse practioner assured us that this really doesn't mean much. She said she'd seen babies have no lasting effects from bleeds and on the other hand, she'd seen babies with lesser bleeds have more significant issues. And really, there is no way they'll be able to know how much damage has been done until Pierce grows and they can measure his development.
I wish I could say that we are not disheartened tonight, that we were filled with the same level of joy that we have felt for the last 48 hours, but that would be a lie. Every minute of this past hour my heart has wrestled with thoughts of extreme disbelief. I just watched God perform a miracle (referring to the potassium levels that dropped) and yet for my sinful heart, that isn't enough. But I am so thankful that even in my sin of unbelief, God is gracious. He is still working. I am not thwarting his plan. And I do know that He is using this to draw out the sin of unbelief from within my heart. Pierce was a little more fiesty tonight so his fantastic nurse Laura has been on her toes trying to keep little man from getting riled up. As a mother, it is so hard to stand by and watch as others try to comfort your baby. But yet, it's as if God is saying to me "I am sovereign. I am holding him. He is in the best hands. Only I can bring him ultimate comfort." I am holding on to the hope of that tonight.
Pray for us as tonight as I am sure there will be more tears shed than last night. Pray for Pierce- that he will rest and be comfortable. Pray that tomorrow will be a good day. He is scheduled for another echo to examine the PDA (heart valve). The doctors will be assessing whether he is a candidate for the medicine or if surgery will be needed. Also pray for the brain bleeding. Unless Pierce shows signs of fluid build-up (he has no symptoms yet), they will wait to scan him until next Monday. Please pray that God protects his brain and that no significant damage will occur. We know that God is the one who has and will continue to knit him together and we trust that He is working mightily in Pierce's life. We trust that the faith we are demonstrating to the world will not put us to shame.