completely broken

Friends, I don't even know how we had the strength to walk back to our room, but we feel God's mighty strength in the midst of our weakness. This morning has been the biggest set-back yet. Since 630 this morning, we have begged and pleaded with our God to perform a miracle. We faced many hard decisions and were told right away that there was no hope. They hoped Pierce would make it long enough for us to get to the NICU (our room is about 3 minutes away). They hoped he'd be alive long enough for us to hold him. The staff had pretty much given up. There is no way to describe the feeling of helpless that you have as you are being told that there is no more hope. I wish I could say that I trusted all of the trite Christian things that I so often seem to carry with me, but in that moment, I didn't. Christ brought us to a point of humility today where we learned that regardless of how little/big our faith is, He is the only sovereign, all-powerful one. Not us. Not the doctors. Before making our decision to hold little Pierce (this seemed like giving up to us), our doctor told us that outside of a miracle there was nothing more. No more options. Nothing. So we got him out, held him and grieved. But we couldn't stop praying that God would grant him more time with us. I prayed that if God was going to take him, that he would not let him linger or suffer. We expected eminent death.  BUT our God is gracious. And Pierce is still with us. He is, in fact, doing better. While we were holding him, his potassium dropped (went from around 10 to 8), his glucose rose (he needed a higher glucose reading to receive insulin to help with the potassium) and he seemed content. We held him for what seemed like a few seconds (of course it wasn't long enough) and over the course of the last few hours, we have held a constant vigil by his side. We see God working. He did not take Pierce this morning. For that, we are so grateful. We ask for a few steps forward this afternoon and tomorrow. At this point, what seemed like a locked situation, medically speaking, has now opened up and we have about 3 different things to try. It is so complicated to explain all of the minute medical details, but Nik and I have been amazed at how this NICU staff has treated our son. Pray for them. Pray for their wisdom. Pray for us. Pray we make the right decisions. And pray most importantly, for Pierce. We are so heartbroken right now, and we are just abiding in Christ as He is our only hope.

Love,
Lindsay