Today has been yet another quiet, boring day. It may not seem like much, but I can't express how joyful this makes us. No news truly is the best news in the NICU life. Pierce is resting easy, growing strong (his feeds are up to 6mL's- a personal record) and we are praying that he can do this for a long time without any new issues arising.
On the quiet days, it can be hard to not let my mind drift. One minute I'm thankful for the quietness, the next I find my mind dwelling on the thousands of unknowns that we face. I'm not sure we've fully explained on the blog, but everyday we are bombarded with descriptions of possible diseases/side effects that Pierce will likely face- horrible things such as cerebral palsy, retardation, blindness, and deafness. And yet, none of these things will be known until Pierce is much older. I find myself struggling to walk by faith as I wrestle with my fear and anxiety in the face of the unknown.
God has been gracious in these moments. He has met me where I am at. He has so often gently reminded me of how far He has brought Pierce. As I look back over this past month, I am awe-struck as I reflect on how He has saved our son.
On the infamous Saturday, the day where we were called in to hold Pierce, we were immediately told that there was nothing more to do. It seems like a blur, but I do remember everyone working around his isolette, carefully watching the monitor as they looked into our eyes with grief and despair. Everyone was waiting for Pierce's heart to stop. They were watching, waiting for the erratic heart rate tracing on the screen, to turn into a steady, constant line. Pierce's body was shutting down; "showing failure on a cellular level," as one nurse said. This is the exact process of death. A textbook case. And yet, through the prayers of many, over many hours it did miraculously reverse itself. There is simply no medical explanation for this reversal. It was, undeniably, an act of our sovereign Lord.
During those hours of torment, we read to Pierce from Psalm 71. I remember standing over him, hearing the staff urge me to hold him before he was gone, and reading..."you have given the command to save me." I remember sensing God's presence like I've never felt before. We pleaded and begged. We prayed that God would indeed give the command to save our son. And thankfully, He did. On that day, we witnessed a miracle.
And as I reflect on that, I find my anxieties about Pierce's prognosis, slipping away. God has given the command to save Pierce and He alone will determine the outcome. He alone determines the limitations that the brain bleed will impose on Pierce's life. He alone determines every beat of Pierce's heart.
Please join us in asking God for a complete and total healing of Pierce's body.
Much love,
Lindsay, Nik and Pierce
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Pierce has been knitted together perfectly, fearfully and wonderfully made. The Lord has big plans for Pierce's life. He has known Pierce for thousands of years and he has created him for His purposes. Praying in faith for complete healing of baby Pierce. I can't wait to hear the stories of what the Lord does through this little miracle man!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you are feeling! I remember all the "what ifs" and all the scenarios that are presented. For us, we were so scared of CP. We had no idea what that really meant. How CP is probably the broadest medical term. Ever. We were scared. We had visions of wheel chairs and not meeting any milestone. But we learned some things - That CP can mean a million different things for diffrent people. It could be a little weakness in a hand. It can mean a little more therapy devoted to speech. It can mean SO many things. And we also learned about the brain and how it can basically heal itself, teach itself new pathways, with hard work. Pierce is going to have every advantage going for him because you guys are SUCH great parents. You will make sure he gets every service he would ever need. You will work on your own when not in a therapy session. You will quicky find a rhythmn to your household and Pierce will amaze you at how well he does, I just know it! God gave you Pierce for a reason. He knows your capabilities and he knows what you can handle. And you are not alone!
ReplyDeleteJack just turned 2 yesterday. We had always heard that we wouldn't know the extent of how Jack's bleeds affected him until this age. Now we know and I wish I never had worried so much (easier said than done, right!?). Some of the things we heard were possibilites have happened, but many HAVE NOT! There is no way to predict, only statistics... and our boys are proving the statistics wrong just by being alive!
All this to say - keep your chin up! Try not to let your mind wander. Try to focus on what goals you want to reach each week. Beyond that, you will just drive yourself crazy. You are doing such an amazing job already. You are right in the middle of your NICU journey and you will continue to gain strength each day that passes. And I am so thankful you've had a string of boring days! Get that rest you need to prepare for the more difficult times.
Know I am praying, always.
I love everything that Jessi just said! We also worried and worried and worried about those things. CP seems so daunting...but there are some truly capable, very bright children that have that diagnosis. Still yet, I do not wish it for Pierce and will be praying for a whole and healthy future, free of any disabilities. As for deafness and blindness, there are some things to be done about both....cochlear implants and eye surgeries...etc. Keep hoping and praying for the best!!! I cant wait to see Pierce surprise those doctors! We are praying!
ReplyDeleteWow! I can't say anything more than "Our God is an awesome God, who reigns from heaven above, with wisdom, power and love our God is an awesome God." He is, and always will be sovereign. He is walking along side you, holding your precious tiny miracle in His hand. When the medical world gives no hope, it is only then that God can prove (to them, what we already know) that NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE for Him. PRaying for you all often! God bless!!!
ReplyDeleteYour faith amazes me my precious friend. I am so thankful that God has given you grace upon grace for the moments you need them. I pray that He not only continue to keep His healing hand upon little Pierce, but that He continue to hold you and your husband in His loving arms as well.
ReplyDeletePraying for you guys and sweet Pierce ...
ReplyDeleteSister in Christ in Athens