Today has been yet another quiet, boring day. It may not seem like much, but I can't express how joyful this makes us. No news truly is the best news in the NICU life. Pierce is resting easy, growing strong (his feeds are up to 6mL's- a personal record) and we are praying that he can do this for a long time without any new issues arising.
On the quiet days, it can be hard to not let my mind drift. One minute I'm thankful for the quietness, the next I find my mind dwelling on the thousands of unknowns that we face. I'm not sure we've fully explained on the blog, but everyday we are bombarded with descriptions of possible diseases/side effects that Pierce will likely face- horrible things such as cerebral palsy, retardation, blindness, and deafness. And yet, none of these things will be known until Pierce is much older. I find myself struggling to walk by faith as I wrestle with my fear and anxiety in the face of the unknown.
God has been gracious in these moments. He has met me where I am at. He has so often gently reminded me of how far He has brought Pierce. As I look back over this past month, I am awe-struck as I reflect on how He has saved our son.
On the infamous Saturday, the day where we were called in to hold Pierce, we were immediately told that there was nothing more to do. It seems like a blur, but I do remember everyone working around his isolette, carefully watching the monitor as they looked into our eyes with grief and despair. Everyone was waiting for Pierce's heart to stop. They were watching, waiting for the erratic heart rate tracing on the screen, to turn into a steady, constant line. Pierce's body was shutting down; "showing failure on a cellular level," as one nurse said. This is the exact process of death. A textbook case. And yet, through the prayers of many, over many hours it did miraculously reverse itself. There is simply no medical explanation for this reversal. It was, undeniably, an act of our sovereign Lord.
During those hours of torment, we read to Pierce from Psalm 71. I remember standing over him, hearing the staff urge me to hold him before he was gone, and reading..."you have given the command to save me." I remember sensing God's presence like I've never felt before. We pleaded and begged. We prayed that God would indeed give the command to save our son. And thankfully, He did. On that day, we witnessed a miracle.
And as I reflect on that, I find my anxieties about Pierce's prognosis, slipping away. God has given the command to save Pierce and He alone will determine the outcome. He alone determines the limitations that the brain bleed will impose on Pierce's life. He alone determines every beat of Pierce's heart.
Please join us in asking God for a complete and total healing of Pierce's body.
Lindsay, Nik and Pierce